*nix fun

#!/bin/sh

if ! [test -f /dev/chick] echo “Forgetting something?” exit 1;
fi

mv /dev/chick ~/bedroom
touch chick/breasts
unzip chick/dress
rm -f chick/bra chick/panties
clamscan chick/*
rm ~/pants
cat ~/penis » chick/mouth
cat chick/mouth | grep -v cat ~/penis > chick/mouth # To take it out…
cat ~/bedroom/nightstand/condom » ~/penis
mount ~/bedroom/chick
fsck && fsck && fsck
umount ~/bedroom/chick
while [ -f ~/bedroom/chick ]; do sleep 5
done

… but this is from the guy who has /dev/acd0 symlinked to /dev/chick so he can giggle every time he uses his cdrom

who | grep -i blonde | date | cd ~; unzip; touch; strip; finger; mount; gasp; yes; uptime; umount; sleep

(java can be sexy)

import Sex.Bed.;
import Sex.Protection.;
import Sex.Position.;
import Sex.Partner.;

public class Fuck extends Sex.Forplay {

private Partner me; private Partner otherPerson;
public static void Main(String args[]) {
boolean lastPostionMissionary;

otherPerson = new Partner();

// commented out to enable god mode
//me.stamina = 2;
//me.climaxLimit = 10;
//me.minutesUntilNextActionAfterClimax = 20;
me.stamina = 99999999999;
me.climaxLimit = 9999999999;
me.minutesUntilNextActionAfterClimax = 0;
System.out.println(“How’s YOU doin…”);
addProtection(Protection.CONDOM);
changePosition(Position.DOGGY);
lastPositionMissionary = false;
while(me.notClimaxed) {
for(int i=0; i<400; i++) {
thrust();
}
if(lastPositionMissionary) changePosition(Position.DOGGY);
else changePosition(Position.MISSIONARY);
}

}

private addProtection(int type) {
me.genitals.accessories[me.genitals.length] = type;
}
private changePosition(int postition) {
switch(position) {
case Position.MISSIONARY:
this.me.energyLevelRate = -0.3;
this.me.pleasureIncreaseRate = 9;
case Position.DOGGY:
this.me.energyLevelRate = -0.13;
this.me.pleasureIncreaseRate = 13;
}
}
private thrust() {
me.energyLevel = me.energyLevelme.energyLevelRate;
me.pleasureLevel = me.pleasureLevelme.pleasureIncreaseRate;
if(me.pleasureLevel >= me.climaxLimit) {
me.climax();
sleep(me.minutesUntilNextActionAfterClimax*365);
}
}

}

Heres a lisp version of Programming, Sex & Rockn’roll

(defun life (x)(cond ((equal ‘programming x) (life ‘sex)) ((equal ‘sex x)(life ‘rock-n-roll))
((equal ‘rock-n-roll x) (life ‘programming)
(t (“I am in a coma”))))

Sex in ASM

Oh well, this sex would be pretty fast, no more than some milliseconds. :)

_asm
{ mov BX, 69;
mov DX, 69;
mov AL, 69;

do_the_thing:

in DX, AH;
out DX, AL;
dec BX;
or BX, BX;
jnz do_the_thing; }

Another Shell program (csh)

if ((sizeof($penis) < 5) || $job == “programmer”){ unlink("/usr/local/bin/sex");
exec("/usr/local/bin/masturbate");
} else {
exec(“setenv SEXLIVE true”);
exec(“setenv MULTIPLEPARTNERS true”);
exec(“setenv HOTGIRLS true”);
}

With *nix goodies

updatedb, locate, talk, date, cd, strip, look, touch, finger, unzip, uptime, gawk, head, apt-get install condom, mount, fsck, gasp, more, yes, yes, yes, more, umount, apt-get remove –purge condom, make clean, sleep

Silly sex implementation in PROLOG
not optimized (+ a bug) ;)

sex(Partner1, Partner2) :- Partner1 = Partner2, % no, masturbation is not sex =P
gender(Partner1, X),
gender(Partner2, Y),
X = Y, % it CAN’T happen, so don’t try :)
thrust(Partner1, Partner2, N),
omg(Partner1, Partner2, N).

omg(P1, P2, N) :- N >= 999999, assert(baby, 1) ;
N >= 9999999999,
assert(twins, 1) ;
gender(P1, X),
X = male, N < 0,
assert(viagra(P1));
gender(P2, X),
N < 0, assert(viagra(P2)).

thrust(Partner1, Partner2, N) :- gender(Partner1, X),
X = male,
assert(penis(Partner1, Partner2)),
retract(penis(Partner1, Partner2));
gender(Partner2, X),
X = female,
assert(penis(Partner2, Partner1)),
retract(penis(Partner2, Partner1)).

Courtesy:- Orkut